Self dialogue Part 8
After our family had returned from Czech Republic, I had a real struggle. I was torn between being in Canada and wanting to return to Czech to finish off some ministry commitments I had made. For a month, I would toss back and forth whether or not I was to return to Czech.
This battle raged in my mind and my heart for that month. My family thought I should stay home, and they were right, though I was unsure. I ended up booking a flight to Prague via Montreal. As the day approached for me to fly to Czech I became more insecure about going and had a mental battle brewing. One time of the day I knew what I needed to do and the next I was unsure.
Saturday came and I found myself on the flight to Montreal. As I was taxiing down the runway I knew I was making the wrong decision. I tried to find a peace that would allow me to contine on my way to Prague, but I could not find that peace. Whenever I thought about returning home I had peace,whenever my thoughts turned to following my own desires I was confused and unsettled. I finally made the decision to land in Montreal and then get the first flight home. I needed to do the right thing.
I can tell you that even after making the right decision my thoughts turned to questions like: What will the people in Czech think? What will my leaders think? Am I going to look weak by doing this? How could I be so stupid as to get on the flight to start with? Why didn't I listen to my family? and on it went. But in the midst of the questions at least I had peace.
I think the prodigal son had that inner dialogue as well. You know the wheel that keeps spinning in our heads that speaks to us. The dialogue we often do not share with others. I think for the prodigal son there must have been times on his long journey home where he rehearsed over and over what he would say, whether he would be accepted back, what people would say, and what if people knew how he wasted everything and so on.
For prodigals to return home to the father they need to understand that they will not be harassed, condemned, belittled or mocked. They need to be loved, accepted, encouraged and understood. After all they are humans just like you and I. We all make mistakes, we all have choices we wish we could change and we are all in need of being loved, accepted and welcomed home.
This battle raged in my mind and my heart for that month. My family thought I should stay home, and they were right, though I was unsure. I ended up booking a flight to Prague via Montreal. As the day approached for me to fly to Czech I became more insecure about going and had a mental battle brewing. One time of the day I knew what I needed to do and the next I was unsure.
Saturday came and I found myself on the flight to Montreal. As I was taxiing down the runway I knew I was making the wrong decision. I tried to find a peace that would allow me to contine on my way to Prague, but I could not find that peace. Whenever I thought about returning home I had peace,whenever my thoughts turned to following my own desires I was confused and unsettled. I finally made the decision to land in Montreal and then get the first flight home. I needed to do the right thing.
I can tell you that even after making the right decision my thoughts turned to questions like: What will the people in Czech think? What will my leaders think? Am I going to look weak by doing this? How could I be so stupid as to get on the flight to start with? Why didn't I listen to my family? and on it went. But in the midst of the questions at least I had peace.
I think the prodigal son had that inner dialogue as well. You know the wheel that keeps spinning in our heads that speaks to us. The dialogue we often do not share with others. I think for the prodigal son there must have been times on his long journey home where he rehearsed over and over what he would say, whether he would be accepted back, what people would say, and what if people knew how he wasted everything and so on.
For prodigals to return home to the father they need to understand that they will not be harassed, condemned, belittled or mocked. They need to be loved, accepted, encouraged and understood. After all they are humans just like you and I. We all make mistakes, we all have choices we wish we could change and we are all in need of being loved, accepted and welcomed home.
posted by s.d.w. at 6:22 AM
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